St. Jude and St. Francis of Assisi House

2011-07-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

Soli Deo Gloria!
July 18-24, 2011

Retreat and Convocation of BSG

Wappinger Falls,NY

St. Alvernia RC Retreat Center

Well this retreat and convocation came to a close on Saturday, July, 23, 2011. That week always passes quickly.
It is time for all the brothers to attend except those who have been dispensed. They were missed greatly.

It alwats starts at Monday at 5:00 pm with Evening prayer and then supper at 6pm and then the Gathering service at 8:30 pm.

Our schedule at this time is the following:

Mon-Sat

8:00 am breakfast

9:00 am: MorningPrayer
following Daily House meeting
then a workshop

11:40 am: Noon Day prayer

12:00 pm: Lunch

1:15 pm: Eucharist
followed by worhsop, group meetings or free time

5:00 pm: Dinner

6:15 pm: Evening Prayer

following meeetings for some

8:30 pm: Compline

followed by the Rosary( BVM GROUP)

or Jesus Prayer

9:00 pm social hour for all brothers

Thursday am: after Morning prayer, Chapter meeting

Friday at 6:15 pm: Evening prayer with Rites of Admission, Reception and Commissioning of Officials

Saturday am: After Morning prayer: Conversation with Minister General

1:15 pm: Convocation Festival Eucharist and Rites of Profession

followed by celebration with refreshments

5:00 pm: Celebration Supper

Convocation ends with Evening Prayer with Mission Service

All are ok to depart after this service.

Congratulations to Br. Donovan Aidan, BSG for his 25th Anniversary of Profession
Congratulations to the new Postulants: Mr. Harold Slatore, Mr. Eric Shelly, and Mr. Larry Reich

Congratulations to those who made their First Profession:
Br. Blaine-Frederick van Pletzen-Rands, BSG
Br. James Patrick Hall, BSG

Congratulations for those who made their Life Professions:
Br. Enoch John Valentine, BSG
Br. Ron Fender, BSG

Congratulations to new officials: Br. Richard Matthias, BSG, Cellar
Br. Thomas Mark Liotta, BSG, Provincial of Province 2
Br. Thomas Lawrence Greer, BSG, Provincial of Province 4

Br. Willam David Everetts, BSG, Dirctor of Postulants and Novices will retire at the 2012 Convocation and Br. Francis Sebastian Media, BSG will assume this position but ths year he will direct the postulants and will learn the ministry over the year. Congratulations.

I arrived Monday am about 10:30 pm after a 4 hour drive from Harrisburg PA

81 and 84 routes is easy and very beautiful.
The weather all week was very hot and humid.
The air conditioning units at the monastery were working hard in all the rooms of the complex.
The chapel was extremely hot an humid, at times unbearable, but offices and eucharists enable us to continue onward.

The meals were excellent. The chef and his crew were great and there was plenty so we did not neglect anything. Thanks to them.

The Franciscans, Fr. Rock, Michael and the new guardian were gracious hosts and were glad

were were back again to reflect, recharge and pray.

We also had a movie night after the Rosary Thursday Night...a great movie supplied by Our Bishop Visitor, Rt. Rev. Rodney Michel

There was plenty time for relaxation and conversations with many of the brothers I have not seen since last year. I cam away filled with love and refreshed and spiritually renewed.

Every year is special, I ahve been coming to retreats and convcoation since 1979.
I have celebrated 32 years in the community.

For those seeking a "call to religious life" and do not want to enter a monastery, this is the community for you. Read our website, get to know us, discern your vocation in live with a priest and if youy are interested write to our vocation director, Br. Ron Augustine Fox, BSG at
ronfoxbsg@clear.net.

For 32 years, I have been blest with life with in and for Christ, and with all the support of my religious family. Think about your life and see if God is calling you.

Take care and God Bless, Br. Luke Anthony, BSG

2011-07-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

Today is July 8, 2011

It is a day after my birthday, I turned 66 years old yesterday.
The time has gone by so fast

in a couple of weeks it will be time for BSG Retreat and Convocation.
I look forward to rejuveniting and renewing my spritual life.

The last couple of weeks has been taken a toll on my brother and I.

First, my therapist, Bill Rugg passed away after seeing him for seven years, and now I need to see a new and start all over, all my!

Second, My brother John as been laid off from his job after 10 years of service.
He lost his benefits and finacially it has put a great strain on our budget.
Third, I am trying to trust and faith in Gof during this, I have been saying the Jesus prayer often each day, saying my daily office and attending a weekly Eucharist and have asked many for prayers for both us.

Today is very hot and humid, calling for thunder storms during the day.
Thank God for air conditioning.

It was great to get so many birthday greetings on face books from BSG, SSG and friends. Once can feel the love that we share with each other.

as they say I keep on trucking each day..to do my best as a religious and knowing that God loves me unconditionally no matter who I am or what I have done.

Soli Deo Gloria

2011-06-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday
June 26, 2011

It is 10:09 am.
The sermon was based on
Psalm 13.
David asking God Why?

and it pertains to our lives that we should trust in God during our illnesses. our troubles, our financial situation, our daily disappointments.

Work for me at The Methodist Church is going ok, still reeling from the salary cut and now my brother is being laid off on JUly 1st.

There was two jobs in the local paper for a church secretary, one for 30 hours and the other for 20 hours.

I am just thankful for my job now.

My rector at my church is now my spiritual director and it is going well.
Hopefully will be more active this fall in my church. He added me to the Spiritual Committee of the Parish.

More news to follow...prayers need always.. Soli Deo Gloria!

2011-05-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

St. Francis Reflection Room (small altar)

May 27, 2011
Memorial Day Weekend

Last night, the Harrisburg area was hit with severe storms.
The rain poured sideways with strong winds.
Many areas were hurt very bad. Trees down, electric power out in may areas.
It got so dark and sights of funnel clouds forming were noticed.
Flooding everywhere.
My brother and I were very lucky. Our lights flickered, but it was so scary, loads of lightening also. They expect the same for today.

My life has been in shambles.... spiritually and physically and financially.
I am using this weekend to recoup, pray, reflect and study.
I asked my Pastor, why does God permit this to happen to me? He answered, it is the cross I bear, but my health (mental) happened due to the fact my mother suffered from depression and anxiety.

My job as a church secretary at a Methodist Church is doing ok. I have been there since 2004. The congregation mostly is older members with a few younger families. There income has dwindled due that fact. The total amount of those attending church is roughly about 50 people (and on the books, there is 220 members). So in January 2011, I was told that my hours would be cut from 20 hours to 12 hours and work four days instead of five. Thus, it makes it difficult to
carry on financially, but I try as best as I can to keep up with the bills.

I watch the TV and see the destruction from all over the country and the deaths and what the people have lost. It makes my life so small compared to theirs. My prayers are with them and hope and pray that God will be there for them.

Pentecost Sunday is June 12, 2011. On June 3, 1979, Pentecost Sunday, I was admitted into the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory... Robert Stanley became Br. Luke Anthony. It has been 32 years in this community and 31 years in vows. In 2009, I had my gastric-by-pass revision done and I have maintained my weight at 260lbs.
The doctors are pleased.

Today, I look and touch my profession ring..and am reminded of my commitment to God. Living the life as a Christian and religious. Trying to being a doer instead of a talker.

There are many blessings that I have had and I am grateful To Jesus for that.
I also know that whatever severe sins I have done in my life and earnestly come to Jesus with sorrow and seeking forgiveness. I know he accepts my sincerity and What he had done on Mt. Calvary was his sacrifice for all and for me.

That is the greatest gift that Jesus did for all! Soli Deo Gloria!

2011-05-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

Fifth Sunday of Easter

MAY 22, 2011

The raining weather for over the week is finally ended, and we have reached about 19 inches, well over what Harrisburg area woul receive for this year so far. The sun came out yesterday and it was 82..and sun for the next week or so, but it always happen in central PA we are prone to severe thunder showers in the evening.

I had a chance to place some new plants in garden in front of my home. I am glad I did it before the week soaking rain came.

Well my pastor's installation on May 18th in the evening went well. It was of course a heavy down pour of rain that night and flooding all over the area made it diffcult for church members to arrive. There was a good group of people that atetnded. Bishop Baxter was the celebrant. There were about 12 priests from the local churches to be with my pastor. Father Duncan asked me to participate in the service and my job was to be the Gospeller. I have never read the gospel at any service(Eucharistic) and I felt funny, but I did it with much spiritual decorum as possible. It went well. the text was from Luke 10: 1-2.

The New Testament reading was from Romans 12: 1-18. This is my haunting passge that Christ sends to me when I need to hear and read these words to get back on the right road:

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sistersm by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual workship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God-what is good and acceptable and perfect............."

God has called a good pastor to my church. He has become my spiritual director and we have had a few chats already. My depression/anxiety still overwhelm me and I do not want to leave the safety of home, but with Father Duncan's direction and he seeking me to share his ministry at Mt.Calvary beginning in the Fall.

The Daily Office sustains me each day, at home and at work.
The practice of Christ's presence in all that do in life is essential to being on the right spiritual road to eternal life.

It is so good to write a blog and express my feelings and thoughts on the spiritual life. This year on Pentecost Sunday on June 12th will be my 32nd year in the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory ( I was accpeted on June 3, 1979, Pentecost Sunday) and I will celebrate 31 years in vows this September.

To God be the Glory!

May Our Lady of Poland be with me
St. Gregory sustain me and assist me with the difficuties of life to be transformed or have a conversion experience that you experienced from one of the world to to the one of God;s world.

2011-05-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

May 18, 2011

Today will be cause for joy in my church, Mt. Calvary Episcopal Church, in Camp Hill, PA . Our Diocesan Bishop, Bishop Nathan Baxter will officiate this evening at 7:00 pm to install our new pastor The Rev. Duncan Johnson. They are expecting about 250 people, installation/Eucharist and reception in the undercroft afterwards. I was asked to participate in the service and I was asked to read the Gospel. I have met with a few times and I feel the spirituality of this man. He is a blessing to my church and to me as my spiritual director.

Here is bio for those that interested:

CLERGY
The Rev. Duncan H. Johnston

The Rev. Duncan H. Johnston became the rector of Mt. Calvary on January 3, 2011. He formerly served as Rector at St. John the Evangelist Episcopal Church in Fremont, Michigan. Rev. Johnston was ordained as a Deacon in 1993 and as a Priest in 1994.

Reverend Johnston has a strong academic background. He graduated from the University of Hull in 1985 with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Theology. He then received his Masters of Arts degree in Theology and Mission and Ministry from St. John's Theological College in Nottingham. He is currently pursuing his Doctorate in Ministry Development from the Virginia Theological Seminary.

Reverend Johnston also has a strong employment history. He spend a year between university and graduate school as a British Youth for Christ team leader, working as a volunteer with inner-city young people in London. He then worked for the UK government as an Executive Officer in the Department of Social Security. Following ordination, Duncan served as Assistant Curate at a large suburban parish, a Vicar in 2 rural parishes. At this time he was also appointed as the Diocesan Evangelism Officer by his Bishop, and charged with helping parishes communicate the Christian Faith in their surrounding communities. He then served as Diocesan Missioner in the Diocese of Durham, UK, before moving to Western Michigan to serve as Rector at St. John the Evangelist. During this time, Duncan served as chaplain at four nearby medical facilities.

Reverend Johnston has made numerous contributions throughout his career on a Diocesan level, chairing and serving on various committees and commissions. He has also pursued continuing education opportunities throughout his career, focusing on growth in the areas of preaching, pastoral care and church leadership and management.

Reverend Johnston and his wife Cindy visited Mount Calvary from October 28th-31st, and met with the Vestry on the evening of October 30th. He was introduced to parishioners at both services on October 31st, and was our guest at Coffee Hour.

2011-05-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

May 7, 2011 " Feast of St. Stanislaus, Bishop and Martyr
It is sunny and about 58 degrees at 9:38 am

From the daily reading from the "Henri Nouwen " website:

"Right Living and Right Speaking"

To be a witness for God is to be a living sign of God's presence in the world. What we live is more important tham what we say. becuase the right way of living always leads to the right way of speaking. When we forgive neighbors from our hearts, our hearts will speak forgiving words. When we are grateful, we will speak grateful words, amd when we are hopeful and joyful, we will speak hopeful and joyful words.

When our words come too soon and we are not yet living what we are saying, we easily give double messages. Givind double messages- one with our words and another with our actions- makes us hypocrites. May our our lives give us the right words and may our words leads to right life.

ALSO

"Taking Up Our Crosses"

Jesus says: "If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him.....take up his cross and follow me"(Matthew 16:24) He does not say: "Make a Cross" or "Look for a cross." Each of us has a cross to carry. There is no need to make one or look for one. The cross we have is hard enough for us! But we are willingto take it up, to accpet it as our cross?

Maybe we can't study. maybe we are handicapped. maybe we suffer from depression, maybe we experience conflict in our families, maybe we are victims of violence or abuse. We didn't choose any of it, but these things are our crosses. We can ignore them. reject them, refuse them or hate them. But we can also take up these crosses and follow Jesus with them.

"One brother wrote me on Friday after ASh Wednesday 2006"

When I think of you I find a man of contradictions. You are so prayerful and so concerned for others, yet seems to be a sense of uncertianity in regard to your own self. (I can sometimes identify with those feelings. Both you and I often forget who is in charge of our lives.) I want you to know that I see you as my Brother who loves Christ and His church and His saints above everything else; who loves the Blessed Virgin; who has earned a place of love and respect within our Community: who loves spending time in study, prayer and contemplation. I admire these qualities very much. So today I pray that God will continue to bless your Lenten preparation; that you will feel the arms of christ ever around you and caressing you as his child and providing you with every gift that life has to offer both in this world and in our eternal life of His ressurection.

Personal comments:

As you look at the above picture, it is the "Profession Cross".

1. Profession
2. Right Living and Right Speaking
3. Carrying our crosses
4. Thoughts of what brother thought of me.

1)Profession is made directly to God in the presence of the community. The Vows of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience for life are taken. Besides these, our commitment to follow "The Rule of the Brotherhood of Gregory for Life". Knowing from experience of being in a monastic community, living a religious life is easier to live but your life is a constant flow from the time you arise in the morning through the daily office, meditation, study, work, meals until the end of the day. In a modern comtemporary community like BSG, life as religious is much harder to live. I live in the secular world: work, shopping, owing a home, bills, etc. so that having some schedule for saying the daily office, prayer, meditation and study and being of service as a brother in our local church or...... My personal life when I became a Brother is a "transformation" or " conversion" or "a deeper commitment to God. Brothers in BSG are involved with relationships and families which adds more difficulty, but for me being single, should be easier for me to live a good spiritual life.

2) Right Living and Right Speaking: In my experience of being in various churches, I have heard from former rectors and members of how I changes their lives with my presence of love concern and spirituality. For me, it is difficut to see what they see, all I see is "a contradition", " a very sinful man". The outer me shows a brother and my words speak as one, the inner me shows like I said a contradiction and a very sinful man with no actions to back that up. In order to be Christian, by living the Baptismal Vows which are enhanced by my take my profession vows, there has to be words and actions. Life should be lived fully and in the presence of Jesus Christ, Living as "What Would Jesus do" mentality. The road to being with Christ is long and hard at times. Each day is another day to make positive steps in the spiritual life, but there are days where are negative steps where I fall down and just showing the human side of my life. For me it is a constant concentrating on "The Practice of Jesus all through my day".

3) Caring our crosses: Henri Nouwen really spoke about this. Yes, I suffer from depression and anxiety and I talke three different medications, but most days, I slip ang deeper into depression and aniety hits and I want to seclude myselfm from the world and stay at home and not go anywhere. This is my cross to bear. I need to accep the fact that illness will be there and getting better is a slow process. I have to have the courage and trust to bear the cross just as Jesus carried his cross to Calvary. He fell three times, but I constantly fall, fall deep and it takes me longer to get up and began to carry that cross again

4) What a bother thought me: I have already mentioned some of that in the above. The Br. Luke and MR. Luke need to be complete as one and to live the life of a Brother with words and actions.
This is not for what people will say about me, but for me to know that my Life is For Christ, With Christ and In Christ.

Life continues.....prepartion for returning to our true home, eternal life with my departed brothers and sisters and associates, with Godm Our lady and my family members.

May this day be one of success with Christ walking with me. God bless all!

2011-05-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

May 1, 2011

Today is the Feast of St. Augustine

The pictures on the right, the top is my cluttered altar

Sinners to Saints

The Call to Serve
The relationship woth God

Recently I have been reading a few books on men and women who dedicated their life to God.
The first religious perosn, I so Admire was Rev. Peter Marshall, a Presbyterian Minister at a church in Washington, DC. He was was from Scotland. He worked hard in menial jobs and he felt a strong call from God. he was walking on a very foggy day and he could see nothing all around him, as he continued to work, God spoke to him and stop, he knelt down and ran his hand over the area, it was the end of the cliff to the ocean. God called him to be his. He was a great preacher in the pulpit as well as his term as Congress's chaplian. People flocked his church on anytime he preached He was a true christian, one who with his actions and spiritual life was quite evident.

There was Saint Father Maximilian Kolbe, OFM Conv. in Poland during the Nazi occupation. He had a deep devotion to Our Lady. He was arrested by the gestapo and placed in prison. He continued to minister to them, but if anyone would escape, they would take 10 men and shoot them. One day, one did escape, and ten men were selected, but there was one who was married and had children and he pleaded. Father Kolbe, heard him and sought the commander to take this place of the man. This soldier did and placed him in prison to starve with no water or food. He eventually died...and he gave up his life for another!

St.Augustine was the despot, immoral type of man who let his life lustfully and out of control.
His mother prayer for him many years and then a miracle happened, he heard the Call from God and became well know in the CHurch.

St. Francis of Assisi lived his life with riches and luxury. Always with his friends and drinking and carousing, but when he joined to eb a soldier, he fought bravely, but he heard God's voice many times and he left the war front, came home, disgraced....but He knew that there was something for him to do, and he did. He gave up his life, all that he owned, and took on the hermits clothes and offered his life to God. many follwers gave up their lives to follow God and Francis. His community grow beyond words and becam a major order in the church and spread all of the world.

Mother Teresa is another example of being from a well to do family, and she geard God's call to serve, and she did. She worked with poor and her sisterhood spread all over the world.

D. Bonhoffer a Lutheran minsiter went back to Germany during the war. His life was also dedicated to God and did all he could continue to do his work. Eveb founding a group to meet and pray as a community. He and others wanted to get rid of Hitler. They tired and it failed and he was arrested and hanged.

Father Henri Nowen, Roman Catholic Priest, dedicated his whole life to God and others. He suffered from a long time with depression and uncertainty. He had a hard dealing with his own sexuality, to love physcially or the love for all. He struggled each day of his life. His books on many subjects helped others who suffer also. My very best book of his was "The Prodigal Son".

There is also abook that he wrote during his dark night of the soul. He founs hi place with l'Arche Community and tended toward helping on with care and love. A man who truly tried and did his best for God.

Blessed Pope John Paul II......was a man you coukd just see the depth of his life with God and spirituality. His speaking out again the atrocities in his own country and around the world. His enthusiasim for the youth to reach out and become involved..to be a good christian in the world. he showed through his long illness how he kept going on daily even as his health became worse.
What an example of a follower of Jesus Christ.

These are a few examples that demonstrated to me their determination and strength to answer the call without reserve and to serve God completely totally.

For me, I wonder how can a simple person like them follow Christ...though remaining human and enduring the same problems we have, physically, spiritually, mentally and sexually, but the goal was "Jesus".....they did it...

I was brought up as aRoman Catholic with goood loving parents. I loved the church as far back as I could remember. I knew at 10 or 11 years old that I wanted to follow CHrist. The call was evident within me. -I focused on all the services, assisting the priests and sisters as much as I could. I was an altar boy and as i conituned to grow, the call became stronger.
Life continued...The call continuned stronger and stronger....I got sick, left the RC Church and tried various other denominations, and finally joined the Episcopal CHurch. God kept pulling the strings of heart and soul to follow hi, I tried the Society of Saint Paul fopr six months in Oregon, but left. Came home...I became a man like St. Augustine (or even Mary Magdalen)..living life for my selfish enjoyment. Living a life of lust and using of others dominated my lifem BUT God pulled the strings stronger and stronger at me to follow him, and on Pentecost Sunday, June 3, 1979, I became a brother in The Brotherhood of Saint Gregory/

God's call and love is very strong and he keeps reassuring me of my life as a brother, I thnik alot as to Why does God call me? want me? what does he have for me to do? Can I be that of all those I mentioned above.? All I know is that it is important to take one day at a time, slowly and prayerfully. Is it possible for sinner like me to be his most treasured possession?
I think I do...and Br Luke Anthony cotinues his spiritual journey to the best of his ability one day at time.

I am grateful for all those saints during our times as well of those past who dedicated all their beings to follow Jesus. Their life and actions and spirituality still shines with me today. They are the best of the best. We have many men and women right now, who dedicate their lives totally..I give praise and thanks for them and hope and pray that I also can be added as one of the best of the best.

2011-05-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

Today is May 4, 2011

Yesterday was Polish Constitution Day!

It has been a while since I wrote something on my blog.
The picture was taken at the 2010 Convocation at Mt Alvernia Retreat Center in Wappinger Falls, NY.

Mental Illness has hit high in the USA, especially with the young. I have suffered since 1966, and took an overdose of thorazine back in 1969 but got to the ER in time. Life has gone on throught the years. One of the statistics mentioned were the young men who committed suicide because they were "gay". Being a teen is diffcult enough without the stress of wondering who or what they are.

I was 14 years old when I entered a Roman Catholic Minor Seminary, it was a bording school. Right from the first day, we were taught discipline of the eyes, mouth, hands...taught the sex was was mad. Since being 14 years old, I was never taught or told about sex in any form. It was never discussed with the superiors in charge of me from 1959-1963 (Minor Seminary), 1963-1964 (Franciscan Novitiate), 1964-1965 (Seminary College) and 1965-1966 (Novitiate again to become a brother. Through all these years, it was drilled into me to negate who I was to the image they wanted me to be. The disclines and disciplina (whipping of self on friday nights before bed time), the Chapter of Faults in the refectory as you kneeled in from tof the who house and confessed your faults, like talking during silence and any other things were mentioned then a penance would be given.

Through all these years, no inter-action between my superiors or me to discuss how life in the seminary was going or if there were any other problems that I was haboring at the time.
1964-1965, I had a complete nervous breakdown twice. I was hopitalized for long periods, but never was told what was the matter with me , just complete silence. Finally the superiors decided in 1965 that I was not priesthood material and was asked to leave and return to the novitiate to begin my life as brother. When I arrived there, the brothers there spoke Polish only and no younger men were there. I felt despondent and asked for a leave of absence, but was refused and was told either stay or leave, I left.

CALL FROM GOD: Deep within my soul, I new that God was calling to religious life, but life changed to suffering from depression and anxiety attacks. Every day of my life, I still hear God saying I want you to serve me, come follow me. This feeling is still with me till this day of the blog.

Then positive things in my life: Became a nurses aide, the an LPN, I joined the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory in 1979 and 32 years later I am still a brother.

Depression/anxiety plagued me...it was the Br. Luke verses the Mr. Luke battle. It is like living a dual life. One would get stronger and the other would be week and vice versa.

It was not until 1966, after the death of my mom at the office of my catholic psychiatrist that he told me that the reason the seminary did not want me because I was "gay". I was dumb founded, I felt that I was not. he continued to tell me that though I was 22 physically, I was 14 sexually.

Life as Br. Luke Verses Mr. Luke continues, the battle. I was out of control as Mr. Luke sexually and it took its toll on me totally. I had a couple of lovers, I tried marriage (lasted for 10years and it was the only period where the BR. Luke and Mr. Luke enjoyed being one with peace joy and love). My wife committed adultery and in 1977 she left and I felt deeper into depression and anxiety. The battle between Mr, Luke and Br. luke began in full force.

My life was not what one would call living. Depression...anxiety atttacks keeps me from going out of my home. Home is my safe haven. I became disabled and unable to work, but finally I got a part time as church secretary. I take my brother to work, shopping and doctors visits for both of us and I go to work, but I was leaving home.

My weight increased t0 34ob lbs. has one gastric by pass, but gained all that weight abck and the two years had a revision done, now I am 260lbs. I suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure,
and arthritis of both of my knees, and back. Am on many meds hoping that they will work.

I say my daily office and meditations daily. My prayers to Our Lady of Poland are constant, but I try to understand why this depression, anxiety, financial problems continue. Most writings that I have read say it is "THE CRoss" that has been given to me.

People(friends) do not want to hear on how I feel, they may understand, but they stay away from emails or phone calls. The support system is gone and collapsed. "Loneliness" sets in.

Yes I see a psychiatrist, therapist and spiritual director, but my battle continues.

I know how those young people feel or anyone who feels life is not worth living. I am 65 and 66 soon. I am getting closer to being with Jesus and Mary. My life had many positives but mainly it was overshadowed with my depression and anxiety.

Mental Illness is something that will not go away, it may decrease, but when someone says, "get over it"....thatmakes me angry. They have not walked in my shoes...I would gladly transfer those shoes to anyone who wants them.

I am today! God is good!.. I struggle each day and try to keep going.

Dearest Jesus and Mary,

Tonight, I come to you as Br. Luke and Mr. Luke and offer you what I have to give.
I come to you for your love cause I do not love me. I come to you for comfort and peace and joy in my life, and hope and pray that someday, maybe not in this life but in the next life where I will finally find peace, joy and love. This "Cross" is heavy that I carry and I carry it as best as I can, but I fall more then three times as Our Lord did. I ask for you presence in my life daily, guide me to make right decisions and assist me to be able to win the battle that Luke will not be BR or Mr. But one as Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG. This I ask in your name, Amen.

GOOD NEWS: May 18th, My rector, Father Duncan Johnson will be installed as our new pastor at Mt. Calvary Episcopla Church in Camp Hill, PA. I wwas asked to participate and read the Gospel (2 verses)

Pray for me....and I remember those who died needlessly.

Soli Deo Gloria

2010-10-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

October 31, 2010....Halloween

Well, it is getting close to the holidays once again. It seems like yesterday that I was at Annual Convocation in July of this year. It was an exting time for me. I was able to really connect to with a lot of the brothers and had great conversations. The saying of the dialy office, being together for the daily Eucharist and sharing the meals each day, plus the fellowship after Compline made for me a special time away and being refreshed.

I have lost 89lbs thus far and watching what I am eating. It feels good. My depression and axiety and panic attacks have dimisshed some, and am being motivated to do more things around the house.

I am still working for the Methodist Church...one of things that the Pastor and I chatted about was "keeping the Sabbath". Why in this day and year, we let the world dictate how we need to keep busy like shopping. banking, chores around the house. Life in the 50's was so much easier. Sundays were a day of church, rest and family time..no work of any kind. Why must we let our jobs interfere with our daily lifes, can we not keep one day for rest, prayer, being in the presence of God.

Life goes by too quickly. We let our souls alone, we forget to go to church. we stop praying, we stop religious studies....our spirituality goes to the side...The world, its enticements and excesses pull oursleves away, but we are older and getting ready at the end of our days, we turn to God and ask for his presence. I know God is always with us and he would never neglect us or hurt us, but would welcome you and I into his bosom on that last day.

Now is the time to take that step towards a "Sabbath Day". Take one day, any day when you can enjoy life, be in God's presence, read, pray and study.

What will you or I do?

2010-06-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE AS A RELIGIOUS

Today is Sunday, June 6, 2010

Greetings on this humid day..and severe thundershowers predicted.
I have lost 74 lbs since my gastric-by pass revision. Praise Be To God.
I have been doing a lot of prayer/meditation and reflection over the last two months. My doctor changed my medication and it seems to making me better. I have read The Brotherhood of St Gregory's Postulant and Novitiate(1st year) Manuals and have reread "The Servant" Summer 2008, Reflections by Br. Karekin's article on "Life Profession in BSG".. I recommend this higly for brothers to review often and for those who feel called to Religious Life. I also read three articles by him from his website and I really recommend anyone to read them.
1. On Christian Hope, July 11, 2007
2. The Gregorian Graces, March 20, 2010
3. The Baptismal Covenant and our Rule of Life, May 28,2010

For many months and years (31 years in community), depression has affected me deeply. I have live by the Rule of the community to the best of my ability, though not perfect, God still was there with me. Spirituality/Holiness is religious life, especially for those of us who live in the world and work secular jobs and attach ourselves to a local church.

God has given us gifts and talents, and I always wondered what were mine. I love being a teacher in Bible Study, Book Club, Confirmation Class and I also love be a lay ready and Eucharistic Minister and also leading Evening prayer on Tuesday Evenings. I enjoy preaching, writing, leading retreats or creating special programs for Lent or Advent. One of the things I truly enjoyed was Hospital Visitation in the 1980's and in 1995 or so.

I could see God being visible in each of those settings. I can feel his presence with much warmth within me, and The reactions and responses from people in those settings, by a personal chat or letters or emails. God touched them and they touched me.

I also like to touch and let my profession ring go around my finger, by doing this it takes me back to my First Profession at St. Bartholomews in White Planes in 1980 and the in 1985 at Cape Cod.
When I joined the community, there were no classes to attend and some reading to prepare anyone in those early years. It was based on my sincere desire and my rector's recommendation to Our Minister General. Since coming from a Roman Catholic background and being a former Roman Catholic Conventual Franciscan from 1963-1966, I knew about the religious life and the inportance of the vows.

Each day of my life has been one of a consecration to God and the Brotherhood granting me to to enter more deeply into a committed life. Being in the world and being in the religious life is not easy as if I was living in convent. It was easy to follow a religious schedule and study and prayer in a monsatery but living in the world was totally different. Going to work, projects around the home, paying bills, etc have taken much time, but being able to make time with saying the Daily office at home and at work, daily Bible readings, spiritual readings, doing the work at my local church with the talents and gifts God had given me. Being Gay(from 1966) and probably not coming out to others except my family and to my brothers, was another cross had given me to bear. Yes, a Cross..."Respect all and use noone for one's selfish desires". Br. Karekin wonderfully writes in his articles about our covenant of Baptism and Our Rule. Every Holy Saturday, It was a great time to again say those baptismal promises and when there were Baptisms or Confirmation in my church, it was an opportunity to again say them. I at times recite my vows from the BSG Manual and when brothers are saying theirs for the first,I silently say them also. It brings me back to the realization of my "consecration" plus each day is a constant "transformation" of my living out of life as religious. I metioned the gay part at the beginning, being single now (an in the past had short time relationships plus I also was married for 10 years and later divorced) and realazing all that has happened in my life has brought me to this day feeling God deeply and more sense of being a total person in fulfilling my life as religiosu brother.

God has blest me in ways that are hard to explain. There are things that I have done in my life that always felt that God would walk away from me., but it was I who walked away with God continually calling me back though my daily office.

Br. Karekin wrote wonderful articles on the vows.
POVERTY: Living withone's means, tithing 5% to the community. In my life I had had diffculty with financial matters: with bills and soemtimes with the tithe. Being on disability and on social security and working only parttime hinders me. I work pay check to paycheck. God has blest me with financial help from friends and the community. I thank God each day for what I do have.

OBEDIENCE: To The Episcocal Church, to all my superiors

CHASTITY: Respectful, loving all, using noone for my selffish reasons.....being gay and single and always seeking companionship and feeling love and touched and enjoy the lovemaking. Gay life has always been one of meeting other men for fun and hopefully some type of friendship. I think that is the setback in being gay and single. I do my honest best. Knowing I am 64, most men like young and handsome men. Lately God has been helping me to have a transformation in my life

Being a brother in a community has changed my life every day since I joined the community on June 3, 1979. I become closer to closer to God. Our Lady of Poland has been instrumental in bring my requests to Her son. My devotion for her has increased without her I am lost on the daily spiritual walk.

I am looking forward to the retreat and Convcation with the Community this July. I am truly blest and gald to have my brothers show me and help me with Christ being in their lives also. Soli Deo Gloria!

2010-04-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

It is a sunny morning here in Pennsylvania. A Saturday. The last few weeks I have been thinking, praying and meditating on my life as religious. The Vows were taken....and I was find it is good to review them especially the ceremony of reciting the Vows to God and to the Community. I have a read an article titled "Total Consecration" by Ralph Tilley from the magazine "Life in the Spirit" Parts 1 (September/October 2009) and Part 2. (November/December 2009). In Part 1, page 4, He states "Consecration is used to describe the follower of Jesus Christ as giving himself complelely to his Master and Lord, without reservation, for the purpose of living a life wholly devoted to the Lord Jesus to the Glory of God. It is a call to follow Jesus with wholehearted devotion. It includes totality of the person--body, soul and spirit. Such an offering in total consecration to the Lord Jesus Christ has been beautifully expressed in the classic prayer of Frances Havergal. The first verse reads:
Take my life, and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow un ceaseless praise."
(Frances Havergal, Take My Life and Let It Be. In the public domain"

He goes on to day on page 5 " Intrinsic to total consecration to God is death-a deep death to one's sinful interest and every inordinate human attachment."

He writes about" discipleship, self denail (It is letting The Lord rule one's life)"
On page 7, he writes" amd this really hit hard to me..."Until death take place, one lives with a divided heart and mindl he is torn between his love for Christ and his love for lesser things."

In my whole life especially after leaving the Roman Catholic Church, I always felt the struggle in my life as Br. Luke and Mr. Luke was present. I know in my heart that God called me to religious life since I was a young man. It is strong knowing in me. God also saw in my life as gay man. God loves me as I am....He made me in His image and anything He makes is good. When I or anyone enters religious life, they always begin at the beginning as novice (in the Roman Catholic Franciscan Order) or as postulant in BSG. For me, His call led me to RC, to the Episcopal Church. I remember applying to BSG. Br. Richard interviewed at the place where he worked "The Pretty Posey", a flower shop. For the first time in my life, it felt good to find a place in the Church to be single, gay and a christian.

The Vows that I took in 1980.....started me on me on the road to "TotalConsecration" The Vows gives a way to life as a religious and with the "Rule' binds my commitment to God, to the Church and to my Community.
1985 was the year, that commitment was for life..with wearing a "gold band" on my right hand. It reminds me of that commitment. The Cross of our community say to others who I am , how I live my life and what I satnd for.

I am not a perfect human being, way from it. My life on that road to Christ which was paved with love, peace and joy sometimes I took a wrong turn on the road of despair, self interest, self gratification with others and got deeper into the dark forest of that road. The Daily Office.....and that ring I wear awakens me on that dark road and I can the Light of Christ in the far distance and I hurry to get to that fork in the road and hurry to the light of warmth and love Jesus wants to share with me.

I believe that the medications I am taking form my mental problems is working. Recently in the last few weeks, the presence of Christ bids me to come closer to him then I have ever been. It is like opening a window tand letting fresh air come in and making things feel and look better. That is what Christ is doing to me: opening the heart of my soul, letting in the fresh air, filling me up with love, His love. This is something that takes over a long time, yes my lifetime. It is somthing that I need to cultivate each day for the rest of my days that Gods has give me.

Articles like "Total Consecration" gives me time to meditate and reflect on my life. I am going to end this message with something from the book "Celebrating tha Seasons, Daily Spiritual Readings for the Christian Year" It is published by Morehouse Publishing.

This reading is found from Ambrose of Milan Treatise "On Flight from the World" for "Friday of Easter Week, pge 234": "We have died in Christ. We carry about in our bodies the sign of his death, so that the living Christ may also be revealed in us. The life we live is now not our ordinary life but the life of Christ: a life of sinlessness, of chastity, of simplicity and every other virtue. We have risen with Christ. Let us live in Christ, let us ascend in Christ, so that the serpent may not have teh power here below to wound us in the heel."

So I give praise to God.....I continue to struugle with life, with Br. Luke and Mr. Luke, but in Christ there is hope and healing.....I truly believe that.

2010-04-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

April 23, 2010

Christ The Lord is Risen, Alleluia! Alleluia! He Is Risen Indeed, Alleluia! Alleluia!

Religious Life in the secular world. I have started to write a book about my life called. "Christ Called and I Answered! A gay religious mans perspective!

I have been writing this book for years, and I am not sure if I ever will be able to publish it or even finish it. I also wanted to take all my sermons/retreat talks and write them into a manual for others to read about who or what is Br. Luke Anthony, BSG

I have experienced the monastic life within the walls of a convent and now I am experiencing life a religious living in the world. Is there a difference, oh for sure. Spirituality is easier to live in a cloister. Ones life is based on a schedule from early morning to night. It entails daily office/meditation/classes/work/meals and recreation....no other worries, the community takes care of everything... but in contemporary community there are the same things, but ones schedule is busy with things secular and religious.

will be continued!......have a blessed day!

2010-04-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

Today Is April 25, 2010

It has been awhile since I last posted some information. Lots of things have transpired in my life.
I celebrated my 25th Anniversary of Vows at BSG Convocation 2005. It was God's blessings that I made it in religious life. This year I will turn 65 years old. I had gained weight to 340lbs. My health was not the best. I had a gastric-by-pass revision on September 29, 2009. I have lost 67 lbs thus far, from 340 to 273. It feels great, but the damage to my knees has not gotten any better except less weight on them. I Have to get a cortisone short every six months. It works great. My diabetes, blood pressure and Cholesterols are under control, but I suffer from depression..and it is like being on a roller coaster. My physican has changed my meds and I am feeling better, but my anxiety and panic attacks keep me from being more social and leaving my house. Am working on this. I continue to work for a methodist church as a church secretary, part time. This helps me supplememt my income. I want for nothing just living from week to week and struggle sometimes, but God is alwaus there to assist. My brother, John, still shares our home. He is ok, works fulltime and is a blessing because he does most of things that I should be doing also. Working on this too. Well there you have it. a brief but concise update, I ask you for your prayers.....Soli Deo Gloria!

2010-04-23T06:39:00.001-07:00

St. Francis of Assisi House
The Patron Saint of the Franciscan Order. He eptimozies what Jesus Christ wanted his followers to be like him in all spects of their lives. He has showm me through the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory that I could and can live in the world, work a job, be disciplined to lead a religious life.

About Me
Name: Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG Location: Lemoyne, Pennsylvania, United States
I am a deeply religious person, have been all my life. I have a great devotion to Our Lady and St. Francis and St. Jude.

View my complete profile

June 18, 2006-27 years in BSG
Life In the World Continues
July 25-31, 2005 Retreat & Convocation
My 26thYear with The Brothehood of Saint Gregory
IN MEMORY OF A HOLY MAN!
60 YEARS ON JULY 7, 2005
THERE ARE SAINTS AMONG US TODAY!
THE NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
THE PRAYER OF THE CHALICE
Vocation, real? or not Real?

06/27/05
06/28/05
06/29/05
07/05/05
07/06/05
07/20/05
07/22/05
08/02/05
08/05/05
06/18/06

Sunday, June 18, 2006
June 18, 2006-27 years in BSG

June 18, 2006
Proper 6 in Pentecost Season

Parise Be Jesus Christ!

It has been over a year since I last wrote into my blog. I did celebrate my 25th Anniversary in BSG. Itis the best decision that I made in my life.From 2005 to June of 2006, it has been a rocky road spiritually and physically. I suffer from depression and anxiety. It is like a roller coast ride, up and down most of the time. The doctor tried all types of medications, and now I am on four different meds and it seeks to be working. I just started the fourth med three weeks ago. I am feeling good and upbeat again. Feeling more postive. Jesus Christ has always been there for me, but I have been a failureand refuse to accept myself or even love myself. Jesus loves me as I am and always accept whom I am. That is the greatest gift He could give me.

Will be 61 on July 7th, the time has flown by. I do not know where all the time went.
I am still a religious brother who struggles each day to do his best. I struggle with my eating habits. I had gastric-by-pass surgery done in March 2003 and have gained 39 lbs. The depression/anxiety have added to this problem, but now feeling good and positive I need to seek Jesus' help to get me started, just to take one day at a time. Goals for short-term or long-term is not good for me, it is the one day at a time. That is my goal, and to folow Christ morec closely.

Relationships are important,and I continue to search for my mate. To many perosnals on websites but no feelers,maybe one at this point. I can not wish for someone, God will work this for me, I need to work at my life, secular anb religious. ONE DAY ONLY!

"God grant me the Serenity to accpet the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I canm ad The WIsdom to know the difference."

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
Trusting that I will make all things right.
Taking as Jesus dd, the World as it is, not as I would have it.
Living out one day at a time, enjoying one moment art a time.

Dearest Jesus help me with this. help me to become healed and do things better in my life.

Soli Deo GOLoria! To God alone be the Glory!

posted by Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG | 5:28 PM | 0 comments

Friday, August 05, 2005
Life In the World Continues
August 5, 2005
Feria Day.

It is Friday already and I am still in a positive mode and very ubeat from the retreat and convocation with the community last week. There is not much I could do about my situation in life, work, finances or problems, I just need to trust in God and have faith that he would take care of me and my needs.
Yetsreday, I had problems with my car and it kept stalling at red lights, took it to the mechanic and it cost $301.05. Wow and now the "Servanthood Ministry " only two people showed up out of a possible 9 that were scheduled. I am not down about it, a bit discouraged, but letting my prayers ascend heavenward and letting God handle it, not me.

This is a big change of attitude in my life and it feels really good! Praise Be Jesus Christ!

posted by Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG | 8:27 AM | 7 comments

Tuesday, August 02, 2005
July 25-31, 2005 Retreat & Convocation

July 25-31, 2005 was the Annual Retreat and Convocation of the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory at Mt. Alvernia Retreat Center in Wappinger Falls, NY.

The drive to the retreat center was uneventful, lots of thunderstorms, but I arrived at 10:15 am after leaving at 5:30 am.

The week was hot and humid most days, the food was good, but the fellowship was great. We had one life profession and four first professions, and we admitted 4 new postulants, two from Texas, one from Wales and One from Australia.

Monday night, July 25th at 8:30 PM, the community gathered to celebrate The Funeral of Br. Patrick Ignatius, BSG. He will be greatly missed by all.

I also celebrated my 25th Anniversary of vows and receved an acclamation and cake and silver plate to mark the occassion on July 28th. It was a surprise and I felt very humbled.

The prayer life of the community is what binds us and we had ample time to get to know one another, since we do not see other for at least six months.

I am glad to be part of this community. Soli Deo Gloria!

posted by Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG | 11:00 AM | 1 comments

Friday, July 22, 2005
My 26thYear with The Brothehood of Saint Gregory
July 25-31, 2005 is the Annual Retreat/Convocation of the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory. This will be my 26th year in the community. It seems like ages since 1979 when I joined. I have seen many men come and go in this community and now we have six brothers and one sister who has departed this life. I am reminded of Jesus's call to come and serve. I am so glad that I have made that choice with this community and I am so happy to be in the Episcopal Church.

Today is a quiet day at work, getting loose ends completed and getting to leave on Monday bright and early. My brother has recovered from heart surgey in March of this year and is doing well and is back to work. I am getting better, my medication for depression/anxiety/stress seems to be working, but I still have some days.

God is truly working in my life and I can feel it ever much more so today. I have a new friend in heaven to assist me, Br. Patrick Ignatius.

Lots of prayer/reflection/study/fellowship in the next week. I need it very much.
I need prayers, please remember me

posted by Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG | 8:40 AM | 0 comments

Wednesday, July 20, 2005
IN MEMORY OF A HOLY MAN!

Br. Patrick Ignatius Dickson,BSG
passed away this morning of July 20, 2005 at 4:36 AM at Fesseden House where he did his ministry (Yonkers, NY).
The funeral will be held at Mt. Alvernia Monastery (RC Franciscans) in Wappinger Falls, NY on July 25, 2005 at 8:30 PM. The Brotherhood of Saint Gregory will gather together to begin their long week (25th-31st) Annual Retreat and Convocation.

Almighty God, we remember before you today your faithful servant Br. Patrick Ignatius and we pray that, having opened to him the gates of larger life, you will receive him more and more into your joyful service, that, with all who have faithfully served you in the past, he may share in the eternal victory of Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the
Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

He will be sadly missed by all who knew him, but especially by this brother. May his soul and all the souls of gthe faithful departed rest in peace. Amen.

posted by Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG | 12:25 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, July 06, 2005
60 YEARS ON JULY 7, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
JULY 7, 1945-JULY 7, 2005
60 YEARS.

Where has all those years gone. When I turned 40, it was ok but when I turned 50, it was terrible. I was between 50 and death (laugh!) and now that I am 60 tomorrow, it doesn's bother me much, hahaha!

Life has been good. I had many downs then ups, but all and all, God was there guiding me when I least expected Him to. I dream of being younger and fit, but this is the way God made me and I am fit and beautiful in his eyes. God has blest with my good brother, John, my Brotherhood of Saint Gregory Family, My parish of Mt. Calvary and the church family I work for, Community United Methodist Church ans for my best friend, William. I am blest and I have much to be thankful for today and always.

posted by Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG | 12:45 AM | 0 comments

Tuesday, July 05, 2005
THERE ARE SAINTS AMONG US TODAY!

Saints do exist today. we can see them in our times. I want to tell you of one such holy man. His name is Br. Patrick Ignatius Dickson, BSG. He is a member of my family and community. He made his first profession on July 23, 1999 and his life profession on July 24, 2004.

We have become close as friends and had many spiritual chats and conversations mostly about my life and what was going with me. Here is a man who really eptimozies following Christ, truly living the vows that he proclaimed. He lives them each day. he has a great sense of humor. He truly is a christ-follower.

This brother develop Cancer and for the past few years has endured much, on medications did chemotherapy, but yet he had strong faith in God to keep him going each day. His smile reached me and all, his attitude of life was amazing, his love for God and the religious life were outstanding. He walks with a cane, he did get tired but he did attend convocations with community and he relished his presence among us. We both always sat together for meals, we had many conversations on the spiritual life. His devotion to Jesus and Mary was something to see in his life.

Br. Patrick Ignatius now is on hospice care and he is getting weaker by the day.
My heart is overwhelmed with love for this man of God. He has touched me so deeply.
I know he has touched others in the community.

SOLI DEO GLORIA! The motto of the community . Br. Patrick Ignatius lives each day.

Saints do exist and this one especially for me. Thank You, Br. Patrick Ignatius!

posted by Br. Luke Anthony Nowicki, BSG | 8:46 AM | 0 comments