It is a sunny morning here in Pennsylvania. A Saturday. The last few weeks I have been thinking, praying and meditating on my life as religious. The Vows were taken....and I was find it is good to review them especially the ceremony of reciting the Vows to God and to the Community. I have a read an article titled "Total Consecration" by Ralph Tilley from the magazine "Life in the Spirit" Parts 1 (September/October 2009) and Part 2. (November/December 2009). In Part 1, page 4, He states "Consecration is used to describe the follower of Jesus Christ as giving himself complelely to his Master and Lord, without reservation, for the purpose of living a life wholly devoted to the Lord Jesus to the Glory of God. It is a call to follow Jesus with wholehearted devotion. It includes totality of the person--body, soul and spirit. Such an offering in total consecration to the Lord Jesus Christ has been beautifully expressed in the classic prayer of Frances Havergal. The first verse reads:
Take my life, and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow un ceaseless praise."
(Frances Havergal, Take My Life and Let It Be. In the public domain"

He goes on to day on page 5 " Intrinsic to total consecration to God is death-a deep death to one's sinful interest and every inordinate human attachment."

He writes about" discipleship, self denail (It is letting The Lord rule one's life)"
On page 7, he writes" amd this really hit hard to me..."Until death take place, one lives with a divided heart and mindl he is torn between his love for Christ and his love for lesser things."

In my whole life especially after leaving the Roman Catholic Church, I always felt the struggle in my life as Br. Luke and Mr. Luke was present. I know in my heart that God called me to religious life since I was a young man. It is strong knowing in me. God also saw in my life as gay man. God loves me as I am....He made me in His image and anything He makes is good. When I or anyone enters religious life, they always begin at the beginning as novice (in the Roman Catholic Franciscan Order) or as postulant in BSG. For me, His call led me to RC, to the Episcopal Church. I remember applying to BSG. Br. Richard interviewed at the place where he worked "The Pretty Posey", a flower shop. For the first time in my life, it felt good to find a place in the Church to be single, gay and a christian.

The Vows that I took in 1980.....started me on me on the road to "TotalConsecration" The Vows gives a way to life as a religious and with the "Rule' binds my commitment to God, to the Church and to my Community.
1985 was the year, that commitment was for life..with wearing a "gold band" on my right hand. It reminds me of that commitment. The Cross of our community say to others who I am , how I live my life and what I satnd for.

I am not a perfect human being, way from it. My life on that road to Christ which was paved with love, peace and joy sometimes I took a wrong turn on the road of despair, self interest, self gratification with others and got deeper into the dark forest of that road. The Daily Office.....and that ring I wear awakens me on that dark road and I can the Light of Christ in the far distance and I hurry to get to that fork in the road and hurry to the light of warmth and love Jesus wants to share with me.

I believe that the medications I am taking form my mental problems is working. Recently in the last few weeks, the presence of Christ bids me to come closer to him then I have ever been. It is like opening a window tand letting fresh air come in and making things feel and look better. That is what Christ is doing to me: opening the heart of my soul, letting in the fresh air, filling me up with love, His love. This is something that takes over a long time, yes my lifetime. It is somthing that I need to cultivate each day for the rest of my days that Gods has give me.

Articles like "Total Consecration" gives me time to meditate and reflect on my life. I am going to end this message with something from the book "Celebrating tha Seasons, Daily Spiritual Readings for the Christian Year" It is published by Morehouse Publishing.

This reading is found from Ambrose of Milan Treatise "On Flight from the World" for "Friday of Easter Week, pge 234": "We have died in Christ. We carry about in our bodies the sign of his death, so that the living Christ may also be revealed in us. The life we live is now not our ordinary life but the life of Christ: a life of sinlessness, of chastity, of simplicity and every other virtue. We have risen with Christ. Let us live in Christ, let us ascend in Christ, so that the serpent may not have teh power here below to wound us in the heel."

So I give praise to God.....I continue to struugle with life, with Br. Luke and Mr. Luke, but in Christ there is hope and healing.....I truly believe that.