THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE AS A RELIGIOUS

Today is Sunday, June 6, 2010

Greetings on this humid day..and severe thundershowers predicted.
I have lost 74 lbs since my gastric-by pass revision. Praise Be To God.
I have been doing a lot of prayer/meditation and reflection over the last two months. My doctor changed my medication and it seems to making me better. I have read The Brotherhood of St Gregory's Postulant and Novitiate(1st year) Manuals and have reread "The Servant" Summer 2008, Reflections by Br. Karekin's article on "Life Profession in BSG".. I recommend this higly for brothers to review often and for those who feel called to Religious Life. I also read three articles by him from his website and I really recommend anyone to read them.
1. On Christian Hope, July 11, 2007
2. The Gregorian Graces, March 20, 2010
3. The Baptismal Covenant and our Rule of Life, May 28,2010

For many months and years (31 years in community), depression has affected me deeply. I have live by the Rule of the community to the best of my ability, though not perfect, God still was there with me. Spirituality/Holiness is religious life, especially for those of us who live in the world and work secular jobs and attach ourselves to a local church.

God has given us gifts and talents, and I always wondered what were mine. I love being a teacher in Bible Study, Book Club, Confirmation Class and I also love be a lay ready and Eucharistic Minister and also leading Evening prayer on Tuesday Evenings. I enjoy preaching, writing, leading retreats or creating special programs for Lent or Advent. One of the things I truly enjoyed was Hospital Visitation in the 1980's and in 1995 or so.

I could see God being visible in each of those settings. I can feel his presence with much warmth within me, and The reactions and responses from people in those settings, by a personal chat or letters or emails. God touched them and they touched me.

I also like to touch and let my profession ring go around my finger, by doing this it takes me back to my First Profession at St. Bartholomews in White Planes in 1980 and the in 1985 at Cape Cod.
When I joined the community, there were no classes to attend and some reading to prepare anyone in those early years. It was based on my sincere desire and my rector's recommendation to Our Minister General. Since coming from a Roman Catholic background and being a former Roman Catholic Conventual Franciscan from 1963-1966, I knew about the religious life and the inportance of the vows.

Each day of my life has been one of a consecration to God and the Brotherhood granting me to to enter more deeply into a committed life. Being in the world and being in the religious life is not easy as if I was living in convent. It was easy to follow a religious schedule and study and prayer in a monsatery but living in the world was totally different. Going to work, projects around the home, paying bills, etc have taken much time, but being able to make time with saying the Daily office at home and at work, daily Bible readings, spiritual readings, doing the work at my local church with the talents and gifts God had given me. Being Gay(from 1966) and probably not coming out to others except my family and to my brothers, was another cross had given me to bear. Yes, a Cross..."Respect all and use noone for one's selfish desires". Br. Karekin wonderfully writes in his articles about our covenant of Baptism and Our Rule. Every Holy Saturday, It was a great time to again say those baptismal promises and when there were Baptisms or Confirmation in my church, it was an opportunity to again say them. I at times recite my vows from the BSG Manual and when brothers are saying theirs for the first,I silently say them also. It brings me back to the realization of my "consecration" plus each day is a constant "transformation" of my living out of life as religious. I metioned the gay part at the beginning, being single now (an in the past had short time relationships plus I also was married for 10 years and later divorced) and realazing all that has happened in my life has brought me to this day feeling God deeply and more sense of being a total person in fulfilling my life as religiosu brother.

God has blest me in ways that are hard to explain. There are things that I have done in my life that always felt that God would walk away from me., but it was I who walked away with God continually calling me back though my daily office.

Br. Karekin wrote wonderful articles on the vows.
POVERTY: Living withone's means, tithing 5% to the community. In my life I had had diffculty with financial matters: with bills and soemtimes with the tithe. Being on disability and on social security and working only parttime hinders me. I work pay check to paycheck. God has blest me with financial help from friends and the community. I thank God each day for what I do have.

OBEDIENCE: To The Episcocal Church, to all my superiors

CHASTITY: Respectful, loving all, using noone for my selffish reasons.....being gay and single and always seeking companionship and feeling love and touched and enjoy the lovemaking. Gay life has always been one of meeting other men for fun and hopefully some type of friendship. I think that is the setback in being gay and single. I do my honest best. Knowing I am 64, most men like young and handsome men. Lately God has been helping me to have a transformation in my life

Being a brother in a community has changed my life every day since I joined the community on June 3, 1979. I become closer to closer to God. Our Lady of Poland has been instrumental in bring my requests to Her son. My devotion for her has increased without her I am lost on the daily spiritual walk.

I am looking forward to the retreat and Convcation with the Community this July. I am truly blest and gald to have my brothers show me and help me with Christ being in their lives also. Soli Deo Gloria!